If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
