It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
