NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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