Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
