The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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