You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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