absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
