I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
