i think my tv is drunk
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
