kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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