If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just pee around me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
