Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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