You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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