she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
