I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
