while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
