Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
