I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i need some magic done to my vagina
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