OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
