we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The air was thick with penises
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize