I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize