thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
