I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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