I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
