Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
