I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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