I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
