just tell him i said nine months
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
