Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
