So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize