You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
