I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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