"it" just moved
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
