She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
