Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
