we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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