yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
