As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
