Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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