I accidentally burped into my bong.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
