those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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