She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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