Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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