Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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