Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
