weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
