I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
