so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize