Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
