My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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