A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
