oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
