I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
