she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
