I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
