hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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