I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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