Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
