john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
