You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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