Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
