O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize