Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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