Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
