Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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