I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
