Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
