Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
