about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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