Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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