I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
