i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
