I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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