They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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