spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
