I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
tell me about the eggs
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
